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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in myspace ratings and reviews' LiveJournal:

Monday, August 6th, 2007
1:56 pm

i mean, this isn't hell, this is just jealousy. james gunn is so lucky. not only is he married to jenna fisher, but he gets to play with fake blood all day, and - check his pictures - he cuddles with jungle beasts!
Monday, June 25th, 2007
4:41 pm
i hate atoosa rubenstein. she's literally the worst ever.
after a marc jacobs fashion show, she once said, "these clothes are so fab, they make me want to run to the toilet and start throwing up right now so i can wear them!" and she spews all this empowerment shit but she's the worst thing to ever happen to teenage girls and body image. i mean, just read her page!

but most loathesome of all is her recent bulletin and answer to the post, "when do you feel most beautiful?" so i responded to how i thought she would see fit (scroll down).
Friday, May 25th, 2007
1:09 am
this guy is in my mom's therapy group. she gave him my phone number. he asked me out knowing nothing about me, only on my mother's recommendation. who he knows through a crazy person context.
basically he sucks.
Thursday, January 25th, 2007
9:06 pm
scythe of azrael.

dear scythe of azrael:
i don't WANT to be mean to you. i don't want to post your myspace to myspacehell with a caption that reads something like, "holy shit, remember goth talk from mid-90s SNL? apparently, some people were taking that seriously." but you are making it too easy. from your background, to your photos to your song titles, everything on your page is ridiculous. parading that across my computer screen is like going jogging on a hunting range in a deer suit.
Thursday, January 18th, 2007
11:04 pm

get a life loser, if you were a real celebrity you wouldn't need a profile on a dating website (although your "who i'd like to meet" is golden, you "punk picasso")
Sunday, January 14th, 2007
2:04 am

look molly jane.

stop justifying and overthinking everything and just fucking write down your favorite things.

also, both your pets have the dumbest names in the whole word. especially your cat. i don't think i'd like either of them, and i don't think i'd like your mother, deb, either. she's way too old for a myspace.

so HA.
Friday, December 29th, 2006
12:30 pm
9:00 am
i mean, i'm for jim and pam too, but this is a little far:


not to mention how fucking ugly this page is. jeez. if you want to convince the producers of a major network comedy show to follow a certain plotline, get better at photoshop and choose better a font color palate.
Sunday, December 24th, 2006
12:38 pm
take a closer look.
the most hilarious myspace bulletin i've ever read and an analysis of it follows the cut. stereotypesCollapse )
Sunday, December 17th, 2006
11:52 pm

this guy is sarcastic. he is from westchester county but lists it as "the ghetto," is of black descent, is wiccan, and - get this - is actually 8'11''! this razor-sharp wit continues past the "basic information" box up to his tastes, which are also cRaZy - he pretends he likes bet and the church channel! everybody poops! his hero is hitler!!!! but don't be fooled by this showtune lovin, closeted gay's ignorant suburban bigoted jokes - in his requisite survey, the subject turns a complete 180 by admitting that his greatest fear (well, besides spiders) is prejudice. what an "overgenerous" fellow.

in the bottom of his survey he basically just describes his dream woman as a dude - 5'10'', short hair, 160. be a little more subtle, guy.

also i'd like to give myspace user 16523150 (get a username, douchebag) big bonus point props for comic sans and for recognizing that god is a woman.

... what the hell, everything i'm saying is probably just out of spite/jealousy because he's met david hyde pierce (see: pix).
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